Liberal Symmetry

MMORPGs are catching on. Landover Baptist Church, a parody site, wrote a spoof on the online game I play, World of Warcraft:

Christian game enthusiasts around the US are turning the world of Azeroth inside the new video game, “World of Warcraft” into a mission field, where virtual battles are fought and real souls are won to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Billy Houston, a Landover Baptist Senior High youth, has been sharing Jesus in the virtual gaming world for over three years. “I evangelized in Lineage 2, Everquest, Diablo, and a bunch of other games,” he says, “but I haven’t seen nearly as many people who are as open to hearing the Gospel message as I have inside the World of Warcraft.” Billy has what gamers call, a Level 57 Undead Priest with Holy Focus. “I’m also in one of the largest Christian guilds on our server,” he says. “I think the reason so many people are open to hearing about Jesus in the World of Warcraft is because the majority of people who play the game are lonely kids who don’t have any friends. I doubt any of them play sports so you can pretty much guess that there are lots of gay boys and fat little pale-faced Wiccan girls on the servers who hate themselves and escape into virtual characters so they don’t have to deal with their pathetic lives. When they hear that someone loves them, even if it is just the Lord Jesus Christ, they always want to hear more!”

One prospective missionary at the Landover Baptist Christian Academy says, “Most people who are mean, liberal, nasty, lonely, unsaved losers in real life choose to play the Horde (an evil race of characters in the World of Warcraft) and people and guilds who are conservative, Republican and pretty much easier to win to Jesus Christ with are found in the Alliance. That’s why the real True Christians™ pick the Horde to play as characters and start their guilds in Horde territory because they like the challenge of sharing Christ’s message in a perilous, lava-soaked, environment. Sometimes you have to pester people for weeks before they listen to you. I followed some stupid gnome around for 8-hours until he finally told me that he would accept Jesus as his Personal Savior if I would just promise not to contact him anymore. Now that rocks!”

Yes, I play on the Horde side.

Christian gamers are also excited that they are able to live out their faith in the same way the early True Christians™ did, before their religion was sissified by liberalism, science, and political correctness. “It is such a rush to kill other players who refuse to accept Jesus Christ as Lord,” says one gamer. “I feel like I can really practice my faith the way God intended it. It is like I’m fighting alongside Christians of old, instead of the pansies and sissies from my Sunday school class.”

Here are two screenshots of Stonetalon Mountains: